That Crazy Prez!

Bush acknowledges secret CIA prisons

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060906/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush

So here’s the MTV-Generation synopsis:  Bush announced transferring 14 high-value terrorism suspects to ol’ Gitmo for detainment and supervision…but in order to do so he “had” to acknowledge that they were previously being held in secret CIA prisons located around the world.

I can’t help but get the feeling that Cheney bitch slapped Bush when he first saw him after the announcement.  Here’s how a competent President would’ve answered questions.

Prez:  Ladies and Gentlemen.  My fellow Americans.  I called you here today to announce that 14 high-value individuals with implicit ties to the War on Terror are being placed under DOD custody and will be housed at Guantanamo Bay.  Questions?

Reporter 1:  Mister President! Mister President!  Where did they come from?

Prez: …Elsewhere.  Any other questions?

Reporter 2: How do you respond to claims that they were held in secret U.S. facilities located throughout the world?

Prez: And who exactly told you that? The terrorists?  And you believed them? Did you follow up? Did you go there?  Did you find an abandoned building?  Lemme guess, there was no evidence, no fingerprints, and the building was leased to a “Vanderlay Industries?”  Don’t front, son. What! Ta-dow, how ya like me know?  Teflon Don up in the White House.  Holla!! 

I guarantee that Clinton was told approximately 7.8 times more American secrets than Bush.  And I’ll take the Pepsi Fucking Challenge on that shit.  Bush gets pressured, he starts spilling shit.  Clinton tried to change the meaning of words before telling the truth.  And that was for a blowjob.  You know he’s taking Area 51 shit to the grave.

I gotta say I love how people were in CIA prisons and now they are going to another prison to stand trial, so that, if found guilty, they can be sent to…you guessed it, PRISON. Am I wrong in thinking that that sounds kinda, I dunno, fucked up.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not getting all crazy liberal here, I’m just saying that I’m a big fan of the “hot-dog theory” of national security; it’s a great thing to enjoy as long as you don’t ask what’s in it.  I want the Jason Bournes out there choking bitches with piano wire, ignoring the Constitution, fucking shit up, and generally being badass all without me ever hearing about it.  I know that’s weird to hear from me since I’m all about the amazing document that is the Constitution, but I’m just being honest.  Besides, I do have to say that the nerd in me had a little joygasm when I heard about this.  Civil rights injustices aside, you know it’s kinda dope hearing about secret CIA prisons around the world.  That means Erehwon Prison and all that shit you see in movies might have some truth to ‘em.  Imagine some CIA prison in Guatemala built into ancient Mayan ruins where inmate blood is sacrificed to power ancient machines that are used to gather intelligence, but accidentally awaken ancient evils set to plunge the world into darkness lest a champion rises to fight for all humanity.

Yeah, I need a hobby.