An Open Letter to Dateline NBC

Dear Dateline NBC,

Hello, my name is Baron Von Awesome and I live in Phoenix, Arizona.  I am writing you in regards to your Friday night programming, also known as “To Catch a Predator.”  I find your show to be quite addicting, but also quite creepy.  Here is what makes your show so creepy.

1.  The kid-touchers.  Perhaps this is the wrong term, since they are going after 13-year-olds.  Let’s call them adolescent teen-touchers, which means they’re not the creepiest people around, but they’re damn close.  These are some sick fucks.  The interesting thing is that they’re really more sad than disgusting.  These subhumans aren’t coming in with greasy hair, adult acne, coke bottles glasses, mother-knit sweaters, and velour leisure pants like typical creepos, they’re just messed up and pathetic.

2.  The producers.  These are some twisted people.  Don’t believe me? Just wait until you hear the first re-enactment.  That’s right, they get voice actors to read the chat logs. It’s like “Rescue 911″ for the molester set.

3.  The “bait.”  I saw one episode where they had a 19-year-old actress playing a 13-year-old-girl.  The creepy part is that she looked 13.  That’s gotta suck.  I’m really hoping that clothes, makeup, and acting accounted for most of that, cuz I mean lets be honest, dating’s gotta be hard when you look so young, and you know you gotta question any dude that wants to date a chick that looks like that. Creepy.

4.  Chris Hansen.  This dude creeps me out.  I think it really comes down to me having to listen to him read the screen names and log excerpts.  I’d much rather watch, say, Gary Oldman or Liam Neeson putting the fear of God into these SOB’s.  Hansen is too cold.  All I’m saying is that the occasional stun gun to the groin would make us all feel better.

I’m not suggesting you change any of the 4 areas explained above, aside from replacing Chris Hansen with some bad-ass actor, I just wanted to bring to your attention to the fact that your programming may be far creepier that you may have previously thought.  Thank you for your time.

I remain,

LustyLatinoLover420

er, I mean

The Baron