Top Ten of the Week: Pornstar Names

10. Jenteal. As in “genteel.” As in classy, refined, and prudish. C’mon people, that’s just damn clever. And If you’ve ever seen her, she’s also damn hot. I think she looked way hotter before the breast implants, but that’s just me. Either way, great name.

9. Dru Barrymore. That name, is like, it’s just so, magical. That was my horrible attempt to type like Drew Barrymore talks. She’s really not that hot, but you have to give kudos to anyone willing to name themselves after the poster-child for better supervision for childhood stars.

8. Tom Cooze. 1. It’s spoofing the name of one of the weirdest dudes in Hollywood. 2. Its got the word “cooze” in it.

7. Letha Weapons. For those of you sitting at home all unawares, there really must be some unwritten law that says that if you’re a pornstar with super-giant fake breasts you must have a funny porn name. Letha Weapons is my pick for the best of those names. Makes you wonder if she has to pay royalties to Richard Donner.

6. Abby Rhodes. It was either her or Penny Lane. Beatles reference, woo.

5. Anita Blonde. Don’t we all. Don’t we all. So the funny thing here is that for much of her career, Anita was actually a brunette. Which actually makes sense, if you think about it.

4. Cherry Potter. I believe that she’s a relative newcomer to the adult arena. Keep your fingers crossed and maybe we’ll see a threesome with Rod Weasley and Hymen-ee. A ziggie-wiggie.

3. Vincent Vega. The only real shame here is that there’s no Mia Wallace for him to do scenes with. Great freakin’ name. This guy should team up with someone name Jules Winnfield and star in a movie called “Pulp Friction.” The dialogue writes itself; “We should have dildoes for this shit,” “Oh! I just shot Marci in the face.” “You know what they call ‘doggy-style’ in France,” “In the fifth round, my ass goes down.” Soundtrack by DICK Dale, natch.

2. Peter North. This guy’s is in the number two spot for the cleverness of his name. Think about it. Pretty damn funny. This guy is like the heir to Ron Jeremy’s throne; he’s done every chick around. Carry on, Peter. Carry on.

1. Allysin Chaynes. Easily the best name in porn. That’s Alice In Chains for those in the South. She’s hot and she’s got a great name. If she was the one who came up with this name, then she deserves major props. I’ve noticed that of late she’s gone by Allysin Chambers. Fuckin’ record companies.