Apple?! More Like Crapple!

Sorry for crappy subject line, but it’s fucking late,so get over it.  So before I forget, I wanted to comment on the fact that I hate those lame-ass earbud headphones that come with Apple IPods.  Why do I hate them?  Simply because they may be the cheapest loudest pieces of crap ever.  But Baron, isn’t loud good?  Not, you’re not the one listening to the damn things!  I swear to God those things can be on the lowest setting and firmly planted into somebody’s ear, and yet I can still hear their God-fucking-damn techno remix of “American Pie” from two blocks away. 

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Joe: So Roger, what kind of system did you end up getting for your new car?

Roger: Well I was gonna gone with Alpine or Pioneer, but I decided to just wire everything into my IPod headphones.

Joe: You got an IPod? Sweet!

Roger: No, just the headphones, as long as I keep them in the trunk and set to low volume, my eardrums don’t bleed.

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Billy: HEY STEVE, I LOVE YOUR NEW STEREO SYSTEM, IT ROCKS!

Steve: ACTUALLY, THAT’S MY NEIGHBOR LISTENING TO HER IPOD WHILE SHE DOES PILATES!

Billy: OH OK, THAT’S GOOD, CUZ IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY LISTENING TO “HOLLABACK GIRL” I WAS GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE TAINT!

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Now I started to think, “How lame is Apple to charge out the ass for a glorified MP3 player (wow, it has solitaire) and then package it with horrible headphones?”  I mean, Apple is better than that, right?

And that’s when it hit me: miniturization.  You see, first you had the IPod, then the IPod Mini, and now the IPod Mini.  As products get smaller, there is less and less chance of people acknowledging your status symbol.  So by pretentiously blaring music to people’s unwilling ears, you can make sure that everyone knows that your IPod is a custom color, or it packaged with the complete Rush library, or has a cute inscription from your rich lawyer daddy.  So I say Kudos to Apple.  From obnoxious designer-colored semi-translucent computers to annoying portability, way to help people make sure other people know that they have money. =)